Muddle muddle…
I’ve been twiddling my thumbs recently and not much has come of it. As I’m sure you have seen on here, so few posts. So now I’ve exploded, tension abound. I’m hoping that it is a good thing.
I spent months at work trying to claim my space, make it a 40 hour work week. Now with the new year, I’ve added, added, and added. For me, it feels like the only way I’ll get some of the important things in my life done (apply to grad school, etc). First it was working out regularly (with my man), then I volunteered for an extra Chinese tutoring session (now twice a week), picked up a project at work that I didn’t have to get involved in, volunteered my efforts to a friend’s local community record company (soon to be non-profit), and on top of it it all shit hit the fan at work and I’ve been handed a bunch of new supervisor responsibilities.
Deep breath…
So now, oddly enough, I feel like I can get things done, life back on track. This was the same for me in college, the busier I was (for the most part), the better I performed.
How do you build into doing something? Do you prefer the empty plate approach or do you try to teeter on insanity?
What pushes you?
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I’m not sure how to express this in words, but… I’ve found that I get satisfaction from being forced to do lots of work by circumstance (college, job, whatever) and then completing it against all odds. However, in order to finish, I usually have to delve into unhealthy means (lack of sleep, lack of exercise, neglect of friends and self). I’m trying to find that same (or greater!) sense of satisfaction by completing less work but in a healthier way. I’ll let you know if I figure it out.
I am definitely more satisfied when I have roughly a million things to do. And experience has shown that I do better when the pressure is on (this reminds me of Kathy telling me that the swimmers generally get better grades during swim season than out of it). Sometimes I end up lacking personal time (but really that’s just video games…).
There is something to be said for what you are talking about. But the deception is in “busyness.” I don’t think its that you have so much to do, but that these things buttresses everything. If you’Ve taken an architecture class, you learn that Notre Dame is a prime example of overdevelopment out of fear. Its a busy structure, and the first of its design to not rely on some internal support structure to keep it up, but instead employed these support beams from outside. Amazing! But, the fear was there they didn’t have enough to keep the weight of the building and domes skyward, so out of panic as opposed to strategy, they just kept building them, until we get the crowded building we have now.
That is to say, that it defines your life from the outside–I think. Which is interesting. I hate, above all being busy, but require something regularly that is completely outside myself to give me structure. All my own projects, my own business and busyness derives from a desire to enact a revolution on my terms, not because the is required or interesting to other and sometimes myself. We create our reality. And that is such a powerful statement, that drives me to press ever forward. I have the added bonus of being convicted by an ideology, as opposed to programs. I guess I too can’t put this into words, its just, a love of subject that calls at you daily. Asking for more, which you happily give to see the revolution happen.