Becoming something…

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Like how Iraq was mission accomplished 5 years today, I too felt accomplished. I was just about to finish high school and I hadn’t even decided on a college. I was though flying high, mission accomplished. I had recently regained trust by my parents and summer “adult” freedom was ripening on my tongue.

I forgive Hilary for voting for the war. If was voting on mis-information too. Grownup had arrived. Today I know I have a lifetime of growing up to do.

So I am reemerging not to fill the spaces of the pages but to fill some parts of me that I too often look elsewhere to. I know that my mission isn’t accomplished and that I’ll consume lots of coffee to get there. The reset button is close by, could you push it? No, just a soft reset. I don’t want to lose everything.

Lets not fault Bush for calling a war or even calling it to a close super early, lets fault him for not listening to the experience and learning from it. Get out of there!

It is hard. It is what defines his stay in office. Victim to simple quick fixes, time is a difficult illusion. The longer you stay in it, the further you fall face first into reality.

I have spent a lot of time recently on MBA applications. It has been a while since I had to so craftily praise myself in front of others; it was never this specific. I am defending passion and my future career plans. In definition, I have gone through a transition. Unlike the addictions of war, I have turned the red tide. What are you surfing on when you need something else to keep the momentum?

We are not alone for a reason. Use your developing intuition and growing heart in sync to determine self-motivation. Look to those you know to be real sensors of your being. At the very least there is a technique that is simple to surf through the rougher and lonelier times.

List accomplishments of your day, w/o your minds side commentary; if any slips in, you are forbidden from making further note of it at all.

Today:
•  Entry to baited blog
•  Made progress on scholarship guidebook at work
•  Speedily organized home office
•  Felt reemergence of China-fondness
•  Large Mexican latte instead of small

Find your coastline and ride…summer is coming whether you want it to or not.

I feel like I’m trying to escape something, but I don’t know what it is.

Tonight, I hid under the coffee table. This is the dog’s space. He was very confused. Yet, at the very moment that I was trying to get away, I was trying to get closer to the ground.

Are we not just like the dog, trying to recognize one space as constant? This is our grounding. We have evolved as animals, but still need context. Unlike the dog, our being grounded isn’t as easily shattered, we can adjust to some variables but it can still just as easily disappear.

What can we do to stop running?

It may be about turning inward, instead of looking outward. I’ve pulled some interesting bits of information and insight from: Yoga Journal - Yoga Meditation - Teaching Grounded Meditation

These thoughts on meditation provide some great insight into our minds and facing our own moments of wanting to be down with the dog under the coffee table.

+The mind can be our greatest friend or our greatest enemy, the source of many of our problems or the solution to our problems.

+Stages of Meditation Meditation encompasses three distinct stages. The first is self-regulation, in which we teach our students to consciously alter their body-mind functioning and feelings. For example, teach your students breath awareness with the stated aim of inducing relaxation.

Having taught self-regulation, the second stage involves methods of self-exploration, which consist mainly of concentration combined with self-awareness. This allows us to become aware of parts of ourselves that were previously unconscious. Self-exploration techniques develop inner strength and stability.

Ultimately, self-exploration techniques open the door to the pursuit of self-liberation and spiritual growth, the linking of our awareness to higher consciousness. This third stage is called self-mastery, which leads to self-realization.

+…meditation teaches us that we cannot get rid of our problems, that life is inherently problematic and challenging…If we simply seek ecstasy, and hope to avoid sorrow and suffering, then we are actually seeking the loss of ourselves. The ultimate aim of meditation is to remain grounded in self-awareness under all conditions of joy and sorrow, pleasure and pain, gain and loss.

I hope these thoughts have been helpful. I have tried to start my mornings with some quick yoga exercises. Today, I didn’t. A lesson learned. You can actually find some simple exercises online to get your day started (youtube). You could even start with five minutes in the morning attempting to focus on nothing but your breath (Tantric Breath Exercise or Three Breathing Exercises). Breathing should bring a level of self-awareness, so making noise while breathing is encouraged. I promise you will notice a difference with your day. You can check out what I do each morning here.

“You emerge victoriously from the maze you’ve been traveling in.”

Life sure does feel like a maze, does it not? Wandering looking for the right direction, knowing at any moment we might walk right into a wall. The worst part is that we are often doomed to back-track. At best, we find ourselves busting through the wall but only to find ourselves lost again, with little frame of reference. It is part pre-determined and part under your control.

There is no alternative to being yourself. I think mostly it has to do with your attitude along the way.

You have experienced parts of the maze behind you, but not all of it. Has it shaped you? A product of our experiences or not, we have got to start listening to the scale to which we define ourselves. The confusing reality is, often the walls are miles apart and filled with millions of people. Life isn’t long enough to assume you can deduce the way out through guess and check. The cheese might not be as close or as far as you think. Without tangible walls to give a sense of direction or a map to the maze ahead (or the one being built), why are we full of this concern. You can define ‘this’ how you like, but even if the concern is not to have one, what is it in context to?

We often look to our most local of mazes through which we see ourselves traveling, forgetting the immensity of the one we are actually in.

Leave your home, find your car (or the nearest bus stop), and think about how well you seem to navigate the most local of mazes. You are probably doing just fine along life’s maze. Stop looking for the walls, looking for the end, and fearing the retracing of steps. Otherwise, the cheese won’t have a smell anymore and your sense of direction will be localized to the smaller of life’s mazes. Because the local maze you might be stuck in, is the one inside your head.

“You emerge victoriously from the maze you’ve been traveling in.”

Don’t create context, walls to define yourself against. Self, defined, is limited to the scale of what you define it against. There is no alternative to being yourself, amidst walls you can’t see and contexts you can’t begin to define.

Life becomes harder for us when we live for others, but it also becomes richer and happier
-Albert Schweitzer

And now time to define:

self·ish /ˈsɛlfɪʃ/
–adjective
1. devoted to or caring only for oneself; concerned primarily with one’s own interests, benefits, welfare, etc., regardless of others.
2. characterized by or manifesting concern or care only for oneself: selfish motives.

selfish - Definitions from Dictionary.com

self·less /ˈsɛlflɪs/
–adjective
having little or no concern for oneself, esp. with regard to fame, position, money, etc.; unselfish.

selfless - Definitions from Dictionary.com

Lets take moment to look at both of these definitions. Neither seems particularly great. Both ignore a integral part of the equation, either yourself or everyone else. I’m going to take a moment to redefine and explain myself, but first I’d like to share what I’ve said before on this topic.

As a post-grad wanderer you are stuck negotiating for jobs, fruit, friends, relationships, and your own sanity. You spent all this time getting to know yourself, so be a bit selfish. Compromise doesn’t mean that you don’t get what you want, just that everyone involved gets something.

Getting to yes, negotiation is more than a courtroom skill.

To look at this from a selfish angle, people can and will enhance you. Interact and learn from everything around you. Feed yourself.

Generational babel

Now, depending on how you look at it, thinking about nothing is a very selfish act. You are putting your non-thought, your personal resources, into doing nothing, except maybe consuming a commercial. This is selfish.

Putting yourself first. [discovering your social core]

You must put yourself first, alongside others. Put yourself first and get to know yourself, take some time away.

Putting yourself first. [discovering your social core]

The journey toward a core interpersonal discovery:
Putting yourself first, with another.
Putting yourself first, alongside others.
Putting yourself first, alongside everything.
Being first and selfish (in a good way) because of and with everything and recognizing it.

Putting yourself first. [discovering your social core]

Take the two definitions that we began with and blend them together.

devoted to or caring for oneself, without regard to fame, position, money, etc., concerned with interests not only your own.

What can we call this? Above, in the quotes, I sometimes use the words selfish and selfless in their traditional forms. Other times, I’m using the mashed up definition directly above to describe what I think the potential of selfishness is.

Live to learn. Work to live. Live for others selfishly.