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Fearless Lover Podcast: How Spiritual Grounding Provides What Therapy Can’t | PLAY

When love is of yourself and of the relationship.

There is only one thing you can bring to relationships, yourself. To do this you need to spend time on it but not in the way that common culture defines. Also, to build a relationship that you can bring to everyone else you need to spend specific relationship time too.

What space isn’t:
•  TV
•  Internet
•  Hanging out with a group
•  Even reading a book

This is because you aren’t truly alone, truly taking space. Deliberate effort is required to make room for space for you and your relationships.

A great reality is mentioned in the above podcast, that scientists have discovered that atoms create themselves in a vacuum out of nothing. New things can’t be created if space is stuffed full.

Be a bit more empty, leave room for things to come to you.

I feel like I’m trying to escape something, but I don’t know what it is.

Tonight, I hid under the coffee table. This is the dog’s space. He was very confused. Yet, at the very moment that I was trying to get away, I was trying to get closer to the ground.

Are we not just like the dog, trying to recognize one space as constant? This is our grounding. We have evolved as animals, but still need context. Unlike the dog, our being grounded isn’t as easily shattered, we can adjust to some variables but it can still just as easily disappear.

What can we do to stop running?

It may be about turning inward, instead of looking outward. I’ve pulled some interesting bits of information and insight from: Yoga Journal - Yoga Meditation - Teaching Grounded Meditation

These thoughts on meditation provide some great insight into our minds and facing our own moments of wanting to be down with the dog under the coffee table.

+The mind can be our greatest friend or our greatest enemy, the source of many of our problems or the solution to our problems.

+Stages of Meditation Meditation encompasses three distinct stages. The first is self-regulation, in which we teach our students to consciously alter their body-mind functioning and feelings. For example, teach your students breath awareness with the stated aim of inducing relaxation.

Having taught self-regulation, the second stage involves methods of self-exploration, which consist mainly of concentration combined with self-awareness. This allows us to become aware of parts of ourselves that were previously unconscious. Self-exploration techniques develop inner strength and stability.

Ultimately, self-exploration techniques open the door to the pursuit of self-liberation and spiritual growth, the linking of our awareness to higher consciousness. This third stage is called self-mastery, which leads to self-realization.

+…meditation teaches us that we cannot get rid of our problems, that life is inherently problematic and challenging…If we simply seek ecstasy, and hope to avoid sorrow and suffering, then we are actually seeking the loss of ourselves. The ultimate aim of meditation is to remain grounded in self-awareness under all conditions of joy and sorrow, pleasure and pain, gain and loss.

I hope these thoughts have been helpful. I have tried to start my mornings with some quick yoga exercises. Today, I didn’t. A lesson learned. You can actually find some simple exercises online to get your day started (youtube). You could even start with five minutes in the morning attempting to focus on nothing but your breath (Tantric Breath Exercise or Three Breathing Exercises). Breathing should bring a level of self-awareness, so making noise while breathing is encouraged. I promise you will notice a difference with your day. You can check out what I do each morning here.

Startpage Mash-up!
The most comprehensive startpage review available…

To continue the weekly series reviewing, exploring, and living Web 2.0… Last week we introduced startpages.

Quick Note for those who feel left out: Web-based startpages(aka AJAX/Flash homepages) are nifty sites aimed at making your web life easier by putting most-needed services on one page. Check out my entry last week describing them. There are lots of them and they’re all free.

Go to the winner list…
Go to the reviews of the top 3…
Go to the score chart…

There are so many different options for what you can use for a startpage. In fact as I explored the list I gathered together last week, I discovered a few more. Some have big names with them, but surprisingly (or not) it doesn’t seem to guarantee quality. The startpage market has come into its own as something distinguished. I looked through 20 different options, which exhausts the lists of other older comprehensive reviews I found. For the sake of information, feel free to check them out: 14 Personalized Homepages Compared, Feature by Feature (June 2007); Top 12 web-based Startpages Compared. The winner is… (February 2007); and Alpha Geek: Start-page showdown (March 2007). My research even dove me into the world of easy-to-make webpages (now finally taking advantage of AJAX) and so I decided to draw the line of this review at the specific mention of startpage or a clear adherence to the concept. You can catch links to these page builders at the end of this entry. They do though provide a highly customizable option to developing a startpage.

To come up with a fair way to judge I had to come up with categories and an appropriate scoring system. I tried to think of the things most important to a startpage user. The categories I decided on are: user friendly, basic functions, looks, site layout, RSS handling, tabs, widgets, speed, a useful community, and an extras category. The overall scores were determined via an averaging of scores in all categories, you can view these at the end of the entry. The category winners were determined by which had the highest score in the category. If there was a tie, it was broken by which had the highest overall score.

Each was scored on a scale from 0-5. Zero - zilch worthwhile in the category. Five - I couldn’t have asked for much more in fulfilling the category.

User Friendly - How initially intuitive the functioning of and interaction with the site is.
Basic Functions - Whether or not basic functions expected from startpages are included. I considered RSS, email, calendar, todo, notes, and a few other things that my mind more than likely took note of.
Looks - Did it catch my eye or cause an eye-sore? Mainly, would I want to see it opening up in my browser every day.
Site Layout - Taking a close look at if the structure of the site made sense, displayed well, and felt like an asset to the functions offered.
RSS Handling - First, is there something to manage RSS feeds. Second, how worthwhile is it?
Tabs - Are they there? Also, looking at the functionality of them; if they drag, are easily created, and etc. or not.
Widgets - Variety, quality, number, organization, and integration were key factors in evaluating widgets.
Speed - Simply how fast it seemed to load and how quickly the site responded to user interaction.
Useful Community - Looking specifically at if there is a built-in community and how useful it is. Also, I wanted to see if there was any effort for one community to share/interact with another. Finally, I took into account permanent or shareable links to created startpages and their tabs.
Extra - This was a section to give extra points for unique features, overall site impression, and anything else that was hard to account for in the other categories.

The Winners!
Overall: Netvibes

And by category…
User Friendly: yourminis
Basic Functions: Netvibes
Looks: yourminis
Site Layout: yourminis
RSS Handling: Netvibes
Tabs: Netvibes
Widgets: Netvibes
Speed: iGoogle
Useful Community: Pageflakes
Extra: Symbaloo
Continue reading »

Are adults made? A recent article by Kay Hymowitz from City Journal suggests something about young men today in our society:

Today’s single young men hang out in a hormonal limbo between adolescence and adulthood.

Child-Man in the Promised Land by Kay S. Hymowitz, City Journal Winter 2008

The suggestion is that for various social reasons, we are bypassing the previous generations’ milestone of marriage and a family when we supposedly begin our adult lives with the start of our careers. That first main job and first step now equals independence. Am I socially stunted, stuck in a culturally locked puberty (video games, the internet, and career changes)? I’m not in college anymore and much of that activity has gone by the wayside. There isn’t much like the structure of a full-time job, other personal pursuits, and a growing long-term relationship to have other things take favor. Yet, I still long for the long nights, long papers, and long haphazard days.

My relationship and new job is the cornerstone to a growing foundation that I think is moving me beyond this immature middle ground. Priorities change and whether or not I like to admit it, I’m heavily invested in both. This is by choice. This implies that this stage is under our own self-control. Is it important to take action?

Action would be contrary to what is rewarded in our culture; action which requires forward thinking loses to the many short-term excited battles our cultures supports. How can the weekend (or even every day) be one of exciting battles if you are settled into a life track, one long battle with something or short ones with quick feedback and results? Immediate gratification is clearly our cultural winner. It usually takes an event or emotional commitment to be able to recognize the importance of the former, long-term action, possibly to just return back afterwards.

Even today, they say SYM (Single Young Males), Hymowitz’s term, or this millennial generation in general is distracted by many new things, a world of instant gratification. Take your college life for example.

[Jones, S] (2002) indicated that 72% of all students check their email daily, and 26% of college students use instant messaging on an average day. A similar survey in 2005 found that 83% of adults in the 18-29 age range participate in online activities [Demographics of Internet Users] (2007 ).

Digital-Distractions

We learned in and with this environment. Conveniences have become crutches.

So what of women? I don’t necessarily think they are excluded from this phenomenon but they sure are talking about it. The child-man article continues,

In Internet chat rooms, in advice columns, at female water-cooler confabs, and in the pages of chick lit, the words “immature” and “men” seem united in perpetuity…Men feel threatened by female empowerment, these thinkers argue, and in their anxiety, they cling to outdated roles.

Child-Man in the Promised Land by Kay S. Hymowitz, City Journal Winter 2008

The CEO phenomenon is one example of the ever growing worth and exchange value of a single individual. Females with this power, on this scale, is historically rare; they have a right to enjoy it, even in the face of the above mentioned masculine uncertainty. It would be wrong to not point out that only twelve of Fortune 500 companies are headed by female CEOs, which debunks Hymowitz’s argument above.

I’m not sure if I see it as gender specific because I feel like many women face the the same cultural pressures that us males do.

Are these trends any different from the activities of young women who are often unwilling to surrender personal freedoms to be “shackled” by motherhood? The Sex and the City generation who see marriage as an anchor and drag on their personal lives, who embrace disposable relationships and are obsessed with designer clothing?

Editorial: Beware the Child-Man?

I’ll admit my cravings and notice that I see many peers expressing their freedom. I even would go as far to say, because of a different social experience in my youth while dealing with my sexuality, I am even more immature in certain areas. My immaturity is supported. More than ever we are rewarded for growth of self and not of family or relationships if it is in the way.

So, do we continue because we can?

We all may need to read more, converse more, and look at how thin we are spread in our social world (especially if it’s virtual). I keep wondering if I should be focusing harder or caring less? I am not a SYM, the relationship disqualifies me of that title, but the cute voices on my shoulders are both telling me that the SYM life is calling. Most of us now have the freedom to develop in the context of something, say a relationship, or develop outside of that structure.

The child-man, gay-infant, and adult-girl are real. Stuck playing video games, exploring deep relationships for the first time, and keeping time with image and power, we are our own segment of society. We will become a generation around it. It feels good, but I feel detached. Our 30s will come soon, but should our goal be to cum as much as possible before it does?

Adults don’t emerge. They’re made.

Child-Man in the Promised Land by Kay S. Hymowitz, City Journal Winter 2008

To continue the weekly series reviewing, exploring, and living Web 2.0…

So slow I am to get you content! Well at least this weekly gig has me getting to the keyboard.

This weeks word is startpage. I most often see it written as one word, despite the battle my spell check (one word too?) is giving me. This is a more specific subcategory to homepage (which I guess is recognized as one word). A homepage is the page that first loads when you access a website. On the personal level, it’s the website you direct your “home” button to in your web browser. Nowadays, there are actually websites designed for the sole purpose of being your customized homepage. These startpages are available to be personalized, integrated, and be a true home on the web. Web 2.0 technologies used to its fullest, thanks to ajax technology. Some are dirty, some are clean, and some are both. I’ll explore what is best for you.

Why do you need a startpage? The web is overwhelming. This of course is after information had already became overwhelming. So take a bit of internet-prozac and simplify. Too basic? The great thing about a startpage is, when your ready, most can become as big as you’d like.

What is out there (that matters):
Netvibes, iGoogle, Webwag, Pageflakes, MyYahoo!, Protopage, yourminis, Schmedley, Eskobo, Windows Live, Favoor, Gritwire, Inbox, It’sAStart, MyHQ, Symbaloo, Only2Clicks, YSP, Linkedfeed, Flock’s My World…

Definitely NOT worth your time: YSP

First off, don’t invest to quickly. The best strategy is to look around, test ‘em out, and then decide. Customizing the perfect startpage can take many hours (worth it), but you don’t want to do it multiple times over.

Most are customizable. Color, movement, tabs, and content, it’s all up to you.
So lets take a look…
The link goes to a slideshow with screenshots of each of the startpage services (in the same order as above).

Next week I’ll switch into review mode and hopefully nab you a favorite. Take a look, read a book, and add me to your newest startpage. They range from simple to snazzy. Some will put all of Web 2.0 in one place before you are ready and others will share resources. Either way, you’ll have a new homepage soon.

Looking for a great moment of traveler’s glory? Always forgetting your books at home? Look no further than Amazon’s Kindle, the new electronic book reader.

DICEWARS

We all know the board game RISK© and it’s glorious multi-hour world domination adventure. Often, multiple hours are hard to come by, but the urge to dominate the world and exercise your strategic muscle doesn’t fade. It could just be the geeky strategy game player speaking, but DICEWARS has filled a growing need since the gay-RISK nights during college, a useful creation, have since ended. Dice become your armies but continuity of land ownership is still apart of the strategy in this smaller map and up to eight “players,” computer(s) and yourself, take on the classic board game.

It isn’t the multi-player amazingness that you can play with your friends but it will provide for a simple five minute to half an hour distraction amidst your workday, study for finals, or crazy unemployed livelihood.

Check it out, play it, and share what it kept you from doing/completing during your day. I owe the absence of a log of student volunteer hours and probably a blog entry or two to the joys of this dice rolling battle on my computer screen.