Becoming something…

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I recently saw the musical Avenue Q on Broadway. A great show.

There is a scene where a male and female face silhouette on a T.V. screen have words come out of their mouths and move towards each other. The guy is saying, “come,” and the girl is saying, “mitment.” The guy initially sexual and intense as the girl goes from calm to frustrated. They eventually say, “commitment,” in unison.

It is true, commitment is about being in unison. It is also about combining different interests.

Always know that what is on the table isn’t just what you are bringing to it. What is the mitment to your come? What is the come to your mittment?

Another stranger

Strong teeth nibbling at the soul,
a midnight snack of attempted progress.

My feet treaded new footsteps,
from the moment I woke up.

Sore eyes for similar,
familiar lies. I’m fooling myself again.

Putting out isn’t the same, the
first time, second time, third time around.

Give me stone eyes. Eyes that find hearts
cold. Minds that build false homes in me.

Now, I’ve opened the front door, but
nothing looks familiar. Not even
his now familiar beard.

Someone else has made my bed,
and although new things feel safe,
I’ve encountered another stranger.

In one corner we have the most individual of the individual, Justin-China. In the other you have the opposite in strength, clearly more settled and definitely not alone, Justin-Committed Relationship (CR).

The rink, Beijing, is home turf for Justin-China. Yet, much of his support is missing or under pressure.

As for Justin-CR, the significant-other is right at his side for the ride. It is as though the Justin-CR’s birth mother is in the front row, eyes watching.

So enough of this metaphor speak. We are going to Beijing, China for a bit of travel. The tickets were cheap, I guess people don’t go to China for Thanksgiving! China was a life of individualism for me, the back story
of any study abroad trip. Since graduation, I’m paying rent, working, living with the guy in my life, and looking at what stability I can find in my future. This is a long way off from good ole Junior year. Sure I’ll still have a beer in the streets of Beijing and find a moment of Zen. Just this time there will be someone else in the equation, zen +1.

Rightfully so, our lives have been centered around ourselves for some portion here and there. It’s only appropriate, considering that for us, it’s where things begin. Yet here and there other people enter life. Especially after graduation, we learn that even when we are alone there are still people all around us that matter and our actions have an impact on. That “feelin’ kinda down” day doesn’t mean homework just doesn’t get done, it can fade into job and relationship performance. Now you ask, “you are right, but any advice?” I can’t say I have anything specific this time around. Just stick to your guns, usually your intuition has the best words for your ears.

We begin to learn that zen +1 can feel just as good as a solid self-centered moment. Zen +1 can also take more work. Just remember there is a context to yourself. We are all supported by a social network around us, even it if at times it feels very impersonal. You have an obligation to the most self-centered cell in your body to learn what around you makes you an individual. Go in, be an individual, and then come out. It may be a closet or it could be out of a shell, but just come out and share yourself with the world around you. We all don’t live around our own Walden Ponds for a reason.

In this battle, hopefully everyone wins.

Be an individual of many…Zen +many.

Like climbing stairs, writing for me is just one step up after another. Once I break the momentum I create a landing to live on convincing myself that the stairway leads to nothing.

I fear, am apprehensive of, tiptoe around doing more than I fear, am apprehensive of, tiptoe around the actual doing of something.

Swallow distraction and internal guilt for a moment and go do. The doing seems to allow for the easy digestion of initial fears, apprehensions, and tiptoe sensations.

Share an example of a time when you just got up and did something recently, starting the momentum up a new set of stairs.