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and the new tree we got over the weekend is so delightful and ominous. And since there’s no place to go, let it precipitate, let it precipitate, let it precipitate.
Snow fell and then rain slushified it, much like Michigan should, except this year it’s not exciting me as much as it normally does. I’ll admit that it looked nice on Ypsilanti’s streets as it seemed to give them reason to be empty. Yet, this year feels extremely different. Christmas music playing on the radio before Thanksgiving isn’t new but it is a constant reminder that something is new. This will be my first independent Christmas, the first time that my celebration will be divided between families and our own. The songs seem to hit a note that doesn’t convey cheer this year, but possibly fear.
I’ve been alone for the holiday season before, namely when I was on study abroad. Even then, because China didn’t celebrate it, we created our own version (thanks to goods sent from home) but could mostly ignored it. It was easy to because there wasn’t any type of build up surrounding me. Otherwise, I’ve been home for the holidays. We missed family Thanksgiving celebration this year because we were in China, a necessary holiday build-up. Now I sit looking at our beautiful new tree, decorated and purchased ourselves. Of course we will travel to our respective families’ houses for the festivities.
Each Christmas song is a reminder of my independence. Instead of being frustrated and depressed at my family’s home, I’m happily away. Yet, more than ever, this is the season in which I want to feel dependent on my old residence.
In what ways are you struggling with independence? Wasn’t the dream of independence a sweeter goal when it was proving something to your parents?
